


Damaged People

by orpikjam44



Series: Come Home [5]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hockey, Angst, Crying, Gay, Hockey, M/M, Relationship(s), Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-28
Updated: 2014-01-28
Packaged: 2018-01-10 08:47:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1157597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orpikjam44/pseuds/orpikjam44
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nik takes initiative, but not in the right way for either him or Brad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Damaged People

**Author's Note:**

> title from a song by Depeche Mode

_CHAPTER FIVE_

Nothing happens. Not for a few hours. And Brad hates it.

When Nik had finished crying he’d brushed his cheek against Stuie’s, mumbling a _thank you_ and they continued their walk, talking about mundane things like how nice Nik’s car is -- he promises his new Porsche Panamera is even better than the SUV he’s been driving them around in.

Nik talks about how frustrating the games have been, the shootout losses, the terrible record at home, how everyone’s nerves are frayed into little bits and tempers -- including his own -- are shorter than E’s attention span.

Nik even lets Stuie talk a bit about his family. He tells Nik about how his kids are doing, how they’re growing and discovering and how raising them is so much fun, but he can’t seem to talk about his wife. He forces out _she’s been good,_ but that’s it.

This makes him scowl, which makes Nik worry he upset his friend. A chain reaction of unhappy feelings.

“I’ll treat us to lunch,” Nik says, quickly looking away when Stuie tries to make eye contact with him. “Remember where we used to eat all the time? They closed it down since you left.” The shadow returns to his eyes and a frown pulls at his lips. “Sorry. But I did find a new place.”

Stuie reaches out, patting Nik on the knee, which draws a smile. This is only about an eighth of what he actually wants to physically do for Nik, in order to bring that sparkle back into those sapphire eyes. “Anywhere you take me is special, Nik. That’s how friendship works.”

Nik’s eyes narrow at the word _friendship_ and Stuie bites his tongue, fidgeting in his seat. The last time they were at the restaurant Nik had been referencing they had been dating. Not just friends.

Stuie gives Nik’s knee a quick squeeze and settles back in his seat, blowing air out through his teeth. Why doesn’t he want to go back home?

His phone jangles. When he switches it on, a message from Pavs is sitting on the screen: _You okay? Miss you._ He twitches an eyebrow at it. He wants to see the team again. Maybe he really wants to see Pavs again. The bright-eyed and bushy-tailed American teammate of his always knows how to bring a smile to his face. Even now, he can’t help but grin a bit.

“Your wife texting you?” Nik asks, voice practically dripping with venom.

Stuie lets out a grunt of laughter, typing out a quick reply to Pavs before slipping the phone back in his pocket. “No, and she won’t, either. Don’t worry. We don’t really talk much unless one of us needs something.”

Nick huffs through his nose, brushing his hair back. His lips are pursed, eyes locked on the road in front of him, low brow furrowed.

Stuie leaned towards him. “You know, if you keep making that face, it’s gonna freeze like that.”

“Shut up, Stuie.”

“I thought it was funny.”

“Not now.”

Stuie sighs and drops back in his seat, throwing his hands up in defeat. “I’m out of ideas. You’re just gonna be a grump, then, I guess.”

There was a long pause. “I’m not a grump. I’m just... having internal struggles.”

Brad raises his eyebrows. “You sound like a shrink. That what you’re calling this? Cause I call it a case of the grumps. Least that’s what I tell my kids.”

Nik’s getting angrier and Brad can’t exactly figure out why. “I’m not going to have kids. I wish I could. Can’t. I’m not a woman, and I’m certainly not marrying one just to put on some fake act and pretend the most wonderful relationship I ever had was just some really intimate friendship.”

Now it’s Stuie’s turn to feel annoyance bubbling in his veins. Nik hit a nerve. Oh, is he good at that. Always has been. “I did not get _married_ and have children to mask our relationship, Nik! Christ, I was already with my wife when I met you! You knew! You knew I was married and had a family!”

Nik won’t look at Stuie, but he can see the red creeping into his face. Steam is practically pouring out his ears at this point. “Not like you didn’t know you were gay before me. You ever have any other boyfriends on the side?”

“Well, I--”

“Did you!?” Nik’s shouting now, and Brad wants to rip the door open and jump out of the car. Luckily, he restrains himself, but he isn’t sure how much more he can take.

“Of course!” Brad shouts back. “Nothing like you, Nik. Seriously. I had flings and fuck buddies and whatever else... I had a few guys I guess I called my boyfriends, but... Nik I never met anyone else like you and I’m never going to. Now we’re playing on different teams again, just like it was before I ended up in Detroit years ago, okay?!”

“Yeah, but before that we hadn’t been dating. You worked so hard to preserve a long distance relationship with someone you’re just hiding your sexuality behind, and you wouldn’t even put a second thought into keeping what we had alive?!” The tears are starting to come back to his eyes, sparkling in the sun, and Stuie can’t look at them.

“Fuck it, Nik,” Stuie says, dropping his vision to his lap so he can’t see Nik crying. It hurts. It somehow hurts even worse than when they had been together, and that had hurt worse than any injury he’d ever sustained. Even his broken jaw didn’t hurt as much as watching Nik cry does. “That was hard. Hard as hell. Mentally and physically. I don’t even know how I managed to maintain the career I had in Detroit while jumping back and forth from Michigan to California, and keeping what you and I had alive.” He sniffs loudly. “Not that we were hard. Us was easy. I mean... we fought. We quarreled a lot, but it could have been a lot worse, right?”

Nik isn’t responding. Stuie wants him to. Desperately. Just so he can stop picturing his beautiful friend in tears.

“Say something, Nik!” he shouts, angry at himself for sounding so angry. The situation is spiraling out of control. _Nothing’s changed, has it?_ comes a snarky voice in the back of his head, and, as annoying as the voice is, it’s right.

“But if what we had felt right and you had to struggle to keep what you had with your wife...” Nik trails off. “Why couldn’t we have kept going?”

“I’m married, Nik!” Stuie shouts, hands balling into fists in his lap. He’s shaking he can’t stop. “I’m a married man with kids! I have a family! I have extended family! I have all of that! I have--”

“You have me!” Nik cuts him off. The SUV dramatically pulls to a stop at a red light as Nik says this. He’s not crying any more, but the sad, hollow look in his eyes is somehow worse. “You have me! You always have, no matter how hard you try to push me away and cut me off and try to scrape your feelings for me out of your life, I’m here.”

He’s right. He’d tried to. He’d tried to push Nik away. Everything to do with Nik. His feelings, his memories, his emotions, everything Nik needed to go. And it wasn’t because he didn’t want Nik, it was because he _wanted_ Nik. More than anything. He’s wanted Nik in his life since the first time he laid eyes on him, heard that accent, seen that big, goofy smile. Damn Nik.

“That’s why I need to make things with me and E work,” Nik says. “And make it real.”

Nik’s words are like a wrecking ball, bashing through Stuie’s skull. Where had that come from? What was he even talking about? Stuie felt dazed. “Wait, what do you mean!?”

The light turns green and Nik pulls forward, shifting up into third gear before continuing. “Stuie, you’re selfish. You don’t want me, then why can’t I find someone else and be happy, huh? You just like the idea of me over here pining over you? Well, I hate it. I hate waiting to hold someone who’s trying his hardest to keep me at arm’s length. Sorry. I have a connection with E. And I’m going to make it work since you don’t want to make us work.”


End file.
